Morning | Chapter 6, Ordinary

Sometimes I daydream about dumb happy things like “what do you want most in life?” I suppose you could say something big and important like "get rich" or "have 6 kids" or "move to China". But my dream isn’t impressive. All I want is to wake up early and run hard in the freezing morning air and come home and make a good strong cup of coffee and drink it slowly while playing the piano in an alone (but not lonely) quiet house. I haven’t run fast in a long time, and I don’t remember the last time coffee was kind to me. But a dozen Sundays ago I had both of those.

It was spectacular. Do you want to know why?

Because I used to go running and drink coffee every single day.

And then one morning, I couldn’t anymore. But what I wanted, what I craved more than anything in the world was the tiny, beautiful thing that once seemed ordinary.

What I really wanted was what I used to have.

And the more that I think about it, the more I realize what a gift it is to realize a gift. One day I’ll be healthy and strong. My body will radiate energy and health, and the pain will disappear completely. But even when the day comes, I never want to forget that morning.

I never want to forget how strong and free it feels to feel strong and free when you haven’t felt that way in a long time.

I never want to forget how spectacular coffee tastes when you cradle the cup in your palms like a treasure.

I never want to forget the giant thanksgiving meal I devoured in the hours after.

I never want to forget the few days of hell that followed, because that’s what happens when you live inside of this.

I never want to forget the gift.

I am not writing this story because I want you to feel sorry for me. If you don’t feel sorry for me, spectacular! I don’t feel sorry for myself, either. I am writing this story because I want to tell you that what you’re looking for is already there. What I'm looking for is already there.

Because what I'm really looking for isn’t a long, hard run and a strong cup of coffee.

What I'm really looking for is what those things teach me.

They teach me to be thankful.

And gratitude is found in the everyday, ordinary, tiny little things.

Article by, Madeline Long | Photography by, Hilary Hyland